Today, Julia and I had a unique experience. We had been told by a neighbor lady (who I have always thought of as being very "granola") that there is a get-together on Tuesday mornings at a local Methodist church where moms sing songs with their kids. Great! I thought. I wanted to talk to the other moms in the area and find out the dirt on local daycare options so that I can find the best place for Julia, who has to start daycare on July 30th. Plus, Julia loves to sing with the church choir.... so off we went.
After I walked in the door, I immediately knew that we were in for a surprise. The couple who appeared to be in charge were drinking some mysterious gray liquid from a gallon-sized Ball jar in the back. They waved "hello," and then called to introduce us to their two sons: "Canyon," and "River." Just then, another woman walked in who looked relatively normal, but all bets were off when she pulled down her shirt and started nursing her SIX year old. Oh dear. Several other moms arrived, many of them with babies strapped to their bodies, most of their children having been named after other objects in nature such as "Stream," "Reed," and "Dandelion." I am not kidding...I honestly met a poor little blonde-haired girl whose mother had named her "Dandelion."
Everyone there seemed to be thinking in a fog. I missed the dress code: I didn't have a long flowing skirt, three dirty shirts, and some teva sandals on. I also made the mistake of putting in some pearl earrings....instead of long, dangly earrings with 'sacred crystals" in them. The other moms were nice enough, as long as you didn't talk to them more than just "hello." One woman asked me if I knew how to get some more unpasturized goat's milk. Another lady informed me that she was having a baby at home in a few weeks with no doctor visits...ever. From then on, I planted my butt onto a chair in the circle and let Julia play while I watched her fiercely....just in case somebody tried to slip her some brownies or something.
There were about twenty moms there with their kids. When we started singing, I was relieved. Perhaps this would be like camp all over again! We started out with "The Noble Duke of York, Who had Ten Thousand Men." I know that one! I picked up Julia and sang. After that, we began a slippery slope downhill. First, there were songs from "Native Americans" with many syllables, all directed at talking to "the earth." Then, we sang songs about "our gentle mother" (I think this was talking about the earth...by this time I was lost.) Finally, we seemed to give up singing about the fantastic earth and moved onto sending "energy" to "others in need." By this time I was nauseous. I tried singing a few of their songs and quietly inserting "Father" instead of "Mother" into them and pretending I was in church....but I got a few annoyed looks. Then, I pretended to play with this homely little girl named "Breeze" as an excuse to get out of singing.
Finally, Julia had had enough and she opened up one of the huge, heavy wooden doors and let herself out. When the other kids saw how she opened the door, they all ran toward it and escaped with her...sending a whole herd of Hippie Kids into the sanctuary of the Methodist church. It was my chance! I scooped her up, grabbed the diaper bag, and snuck out the fire door. We ran straight to the Honda and drove away....not looking back for fear of getting some "bad energy" sent out way.....
I sang Julia some hymns on the way home, just in case she recalled some of that crap they tried to teach her in those songs. Oh dear. Guess we didn't accomplish our mission today, unless you count the fact that we managed to let some young minds escape the wrath of a hippie party for a few minutes while the dippy mothers tried to catch them.
