Solioquy of a single dad

This one's for you, Spork.

Lately Julia - like all toddlers, so I'm told - insists upon playing with everything but her toys. This would not be a problem if she had no toys to speak of, but that simply is not the case. Consequently, every time I'm cleaning up her last mess, she's making me a new one by "playing" with something else. ("Papa's!" - "Yes, Julia, that's Papa's razor. Can I have it, please?" - "NOOOOOO!" - *razor is forcibly removed from iron grip; child moves on to electric socket with the single word "Finger..." while Papa rapidly attempts to find an out-of-reach place for the razor; the band plays on*)

Sarah received a nice tall ceramic mug as a Christmas package a few days back. Today it was sitting on the edge of the stove, near the step that J climbs to reach whatever hot thing happens to be sizzling on the stovetop at the moment. I'm happily and blissfully washing dishes at the sink when suddenly I hear "Coffee! Coffee!" Glancing back over my shoulder, I see Julia, in one fluid motion, snatch the mug off the stove and pitch off her little step with this huge mug clutched to her chest and land flat on her face. CRUNCH. Complete and utter silence follows for about three seconds (except in my head which is going "Ohcrap-ohcrap-ohcrap-ohcrap-oh...") and then she begins screaming bloody murder.

Suds flying, Papa to the rescue. I'm imagining lacerations and stitches on her already burn-scarred chest, but luckily the mug (and the linoleum) took the hit this time. Unfortunately, I think Sarah only managed to enjoy one cuppa out of this mug before the thing bit it.

I finally managed to calm the child down and I'm attempting to get her to sit down on the floor and not move so I can sweep the thing up, when I hear another crunching sound. This time the cat has selected a bite-sized chunk of the scattered china to enjoy. He sees me looking at him, and with a shout of "BUNG! Drop it!" I'm chasing him across the dining room and behind the couch. I managed to extract him quickly, but I'm not sure what happened to the china-snack. I imagine I'll find it with my foot tomorrow. But the fun didn't stop there...oh, no.

Upon my return to the kitchen, I find Simon and Julia dancing upon the remains of the mug. I lifted them both bodily off the mess and made them sit well away from the mess before finally sweeping it into the garbage. Whew.

What did you do today?

J with her mug, post-accident. Large crack on this side; the broken-away part is hidden on the other side.